Thursday, July 14, 2011

When You're Hot You're Hot!

We are half way through our seventh year in north St. Louis, and it has been the craziest year yet weather wise. A long bitter winter was followed by bipolar spring, and now we have been setting summer heat records every other day. Hey - I'm thankful - at least it's not Texas, where the standard for HOT SUMMERS was seared into my body back in the '90's. Still, it's hot, and that effects the way we do church. How hot is it at church? Glad you asked.
It's so hot that...
1. We used the baptistry for a lobster fellowship!
2. We've replaced the word "brimstone" with "Coldstone" (as in ice cream)!
3. We don't let the "lower lights" keep burning! (Know your hymns?)
4. We call sweat - "showers of blessings"!
5. Hell really is everything outside our church doors!
6. Visitors are glad to not get "a warm welcome"!
7. We changed our "Coffee House Fellowship" to Pooped Popsicle People!
8. The elders announced that Air Conditioning was exempt from the "where your treasure is, there your heart will be also" principle!
9. Three people who were "slain in the spirit" really just had heat stroke. (We knew all along they were mistaken!)
10. Wearing out a funeral fan is considered being "on fire for the Lord"!
11. We've cancelled all excitement until mid-September!
12. The biggest doubters in the church are asking if heaven will be air conditioned!

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