Tuesday, August 02, 2011

The Perfect Marriage?

It only took a short amount of time to put together my notes for last Sunday evenings presentation on The Perfect Marriage. That is because I had spent many hours reflecting and building the lesson in my head over the last week - or should I say, sixty years. The process is not the point. The points are the point, and I thought I'd share a few of those with anyone who reads this blog. Here are some bullet points from the lesson.
1. There is no such thing as a perfect marriage. I have no knowledge of one in my life experiences from my parents, to people who have influenced me, to all the spiritual leaders I've ever know, and including the almost thirty-nine years that I've been in one.
2. All marriages involve imperfect people, and every one has problems and struggles. Even in the best marriages, there are times when you don't even like each other - for a while - but, like the song says, "Love will keep us together."
3. They really aren't marriage problems, they are character problems. Working through and resolving those problems builds stronger marriages and stronger character.
4. All marriages involve making the right choices. Paul gave us Jesus and the church as an example of a perfect marriage (Eph.5:21-33) because he couldn't find any on earth. His challenge is for us to choose submission, love, caring, oneness, and respect..
5. The key to making the right choice is thoughtfulness. It is thinking of others because you want what is best for them!
6. Thoughtfulness is looking to the needs of you spouse and recognizing they are different. Here is the Root List: Everyone married person needs...(both want the same but w/ a different focus)
A. Companionship: Women = sharing; Men = presence
B. Admiration & Respect: Women = self worth; men = achievements
C. Intimacy: Women = touch, hold, cuddle; men = sex
D. Trust: both want security, honesty, & commitment
7. All of these are only as strong as your ability to communicate. Remember, if you don't communicate you speculate!
8. The key to thoughtfulness is thankfulness. Thankfulness is what you tell yourself and thus what determines your values.
9. All marriages are learning and growing relationships as we learn to adjust to meet one another's needs through the years.
10. Just look at God dealing w/ the Israelites right after they miraculously crossed the Red Sea. They complained a lot, but surprisingly He listened! Water! Manna! Quail! Yes He was forced to punish there infidelity, but it's really a story of how deeply He loved his people and took care of their every need.

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