Saturday, September 05, 2009
Got Dead Grass?
The other day I found myself reflecting on this rectangle of dead grass in our backyard where the big stack of 2x6 decking used to be neatly stacked. It just struck me as significant that even with the brand new porch coming along and nearly done, the scar of the past still remains. Yes, it will be restored to normal with time, but it reminds me of the simple lesson that change and newness - like forgiveness and redemption - still come with scars from the past that don't disappear right away. They hang around and remind us of our hurt, our mistakes, our dark moments, and our sad times. They may be wiped from our souls, but they're still in the picture album of our life.
For some people, the grass never returns. They can't or won't move on, and the scar becomes a burden to growth, a barrier to peace, and a break in their walk with God. I have often mentioned to people I'm about to baptize or pray for that the hardest part of God's forgiveness is not His ability or willingness to forgive, but our ability and willingness to accept it. We let the dead grass - the scars - dominate our spirit and keep us from "forgetting what lies behind" and "press on to what lies ahead." Sometimes self-pity becomes a friend we enjoy, because while God can take away the reason for pity, only we can take away the self part. We enjoy "self" way too much.
I am very good at enjoying and accepting God's forgiveness - especially when it comes to past sins and mistakes. I revel in it! It amazes me and motivates me to live for Him! But - I still find myself occasionally, for short periods, reflecting back on hurts and feeling sorry for myself. After a few moments of that, I wake up, whack my forehead, and get angry with myself for letting Satan stick his big ugly foot in the door of my life. I know it's him because God doesn't want me in that place. So I say a quick prayer and just start thinking about all the things that He has done for me. It's SO much bigger and better than the dead grass of the past.